Donald Trump’s loss is your gain. Left behind on a podium in a flurry of bluster were these handwritten notes on the surprising applicants to be his vice president. Now you know what strange bedfellows his powerhouse politics have made:
Kim Davis: “Too close to the pope and his little loser car.”
Ryan Bundy: “That family loves America as much as I do! But you know how I feel about the handicapped, so save his resume for director of the National Park Service.”
Pizza Rat: “Tremendous energy but can VP also be from NY?”
Jeb Bush: “Wouldn’t even hire him to clean my gold toilets. Stupid. Weak. Horrible.”
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: “Tough guy! But could Huckabee deliver same voters?”
Supreme Leader Snoke: “No way! Schlonged us as W’s VP.”
Melania Trump: “Won’t get along with my next wife.”
Bernie Sanders: “No way! More ticked off than even my voters!”
Chris Christie: “No huge felons on my ticket!”
Bill Clinton: “Amazingly coercive of women. I wouldn’t even treat my daughters that way!”
Bill Cosby: “No way! See Bill Clinton note. See Christie note. Disgusting!”
Vladimir Putin: “In my top three . . . we’d make amazing power couple.”
Ted Cruz: “A stiff! Sycophant! Hmmm . . . make him an offer.”
Meanwhile, constitutional scholars note with alarm that there is no express prohibition on a presidential candidate naming himself as his own running mate.
By David Schleicher, Trib Board of Contributors
{Originally appeared in Waco Tribune-Herald on January 10, 2016}
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