Friends, Americans, citizens, lend me your eyes. I come to praise Donald Trump, not to compare him to Adolf Hitler. The Donald is no Adolf Hitler:
Adolf Hitler was a narcissistic megalomaniac. Trump described himself to Us Weekly staff as “actually very modest.”- Hitler’s manifesto is titled Mein Kampf. Trump’s next book is not (instead, “My Fight”).
- Hitler fanned flames of hatred against the Jews with wild conspiracies. Jews are not Trump’s scapegoat and he merely accused President Obama of secretly supporting terrorism.
- Hitler took advantage of a national tragedy (Reichstag fire) to grab power. Trump has not burned down the U.S. Capitol.
- Hitler’s purge led Jews to flee his country. Trump instead wants to ban Muslims from entering.
- Hitler married a former model from Munich. Trump instead is married to a former model from Sevnica.
- Hitler grew up in the Catholic church and asserted he acted in accordance with the will of God. Trump by contrast is a former Catholic, now associated with the Presbyterian church, and had 30 evangelical leaders pray over him.
- Hitler believed women should stay at home and raise the next generation of pure-bred Germans. Trump is fine with women working, even as journalists, so long as they’ve (and I quote here) “got a young and beautiful piece of a–.”
- Hitler had Kurt Von Schleicher killed in the Night of the Long Knives. Trump probably has not yet read my columns.
- Hitler snubbed African-American medal winner Cornelius Johnson at the 1936 Olympics. Trump simply labelled African-American election winner Barack Obama as having faked his American birth certificate.
- Hitler had really bad brown hair. Trump’s hair is orange.
- Hitler liked to paint in his free time. Trump prefers remote-controlled cars.
- Hitler often cited wrongdoing by the Communists of Russia to justify his actions. Trump likes Putin, blames the Communists in China for our woes.
- Hitler made the National Socialist German Workers Party famous with his oratory skills and ability to attract new members. Trump only has drawn new people to the GOP.
- U.S. white supremacists are not able to vote for Adolf Hitler.
- Hitler often praised German veterans. Donald Trump instead criticized former prisoner of war and torture victim John McCain for having been captured.
- Donald Trump never promised to make Germany great again.
- As a March 13, 2012 article in The Atlantic noted, early press coverage of Hitler misjudged him as a clown, a caricature of himself who could never get elected. Trump instead is now viewed as someone who might get elected.
- British political leader Neville Chamberlain described the result of his treaty negotiations with Hitler as providing “Peace for our time.” GOP chair Reince Priebus is still seeking a peace treaty between Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan.
- The #neverHitler effort failed miserably; #neverTrump still has a chance.
- Hitler used slave labor to build the Atlantic Wall to prevent an invasion from Great Britain. Trump does not fear a British invasion and will make Mexico pay for his wall.
- Hitler made a 1939 pact with Stalin that he later broke. Trump, however, plans to honor the terms of any deal with Putin, calling him a great leader as compared to us having a “pathetic” president.
- Hitler served in the Bavarian Army during World War I, while Trump entirely avoided service in Vietnam with student deferments and purported “bone spurs in his heels.”
- Hitler lost his first presidential run, in 1932; Trump plans to win in 2016.
In summary, stop this Trump-is-Hitler nonsense. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?
Contranym Times™ 