Contranym Times™

Joanna Gaines to be Biden’s VP Pick?!?

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BREAKING–Our unreliably usual DEEP STATE SOURCES inform us that JOANNA GAINES–the co-star of HGTV’s “Fixer Upper” and all-around American favorite media mogul–is at the top of JOE BIDEN’S LIST FOR VICE PRESIDENT ON THE 2020 TICKET. As pictured above, IF SHE SAYS YES this could mean the Magnolia media empire quadruples the effectiveness of Biden’s messaging. Overnight the campaign would go from “Well, at least he’s not Trump,” to “OMG…it’s JOJO GAINES and some well-dressed old man on the ticket together!

As you read this, Google searches for “Joe/JoJo 2020” merchandise and hashtags like “#FixerUpperTheWhiteHouse” and “#timeforaREALstar” are starting to trend. Don’t believe us?  Google them yourself!  Not to mention the demand for “MAGNOLIA AND GAINES APPROVED” MAGA blue baseball caps.

Does Jojo Gaines really have time to run for the White House?  After all, she’s busy bringing more tourists to Waco than the Alamo sees in a year. Let’s not forget her new Magnolia TV Network (replacing DIY) kicks off in late 2020 [now we wonder–will it happen to be on Monday before the election?!?]. Then there’s the $10.4 million expansion of the Waco HQ for Magnolia. Plus five kids for her and Chip Gaines to raise!

With news that the significant others of Trump’s sons are secretly being funneled millions in campaign money, some want to know can Joe Biden match this for Chip Gaines?  Even if he could match it, would his ethics allow Joe to do so? And would Chip’s ethics allow him to accept such money? I think we all know the answer to those questions. Or at least we can idly speculate. And we will.

Moreover, is it true that the Gaines are buying George W. Bush’s ranch just outside Waco to use as a “western White House”–maybe that’s the “price” for agreeing to be on the ticket–that all major events not in DC will have to be held in the Waco area?  It was not too many years ago that George W. Bush and Putin drove around the Waco-area ranch in a pickup truck. (The very trip in which W looked into Putin’s soul.) Should we now expect the Prime Minister of Canada to be spotted driving around Waco in a golf cart with Chip?

Lest we again falsely be accused of being journalists, we’ll confess that much of the  information in this story is based on our opinion and gut-felt innuendo. On the other hand, that’s how this whole COVID-19 thing is being managed by the President, so we make no apologies.

Is it any coincidence we saw someone who looks like Melania Trump talking to Jojo Gaines at the post office near the downtown Waco silos only two days ago?!? Don’t let the fact both were in COVID-19 masks distract from the significance of what we saw.  We’d say it means if Jojo joins the Biden ticket, even Melania will follow, perhaps to serve as the Secretary of Health and Human Services in the new Biden cabinet.  Or was Jojo promising her a tv show of her own if only she will help defeat Donald in 2020?

Our research indicates that 43% of those visiting the Magnolia site in Waco voted for Trump and another 15% are INDEPENDENTS FROM SWING STATES. It’s not hard to see how having Jojo on the ticket could mean an electoral landslide for Biden. Did we mention her millions of twitter followers?  That she has her own magazine?

Many people are saying these reports are nothing but rumors, but we came across this very persuasive photo of a smiling Joe Biden as it appears he is announcing something with Joanna Gaines next to him. Wow! The photo is clearly not from Russian trolls:

Picture1

If there is one thing Donald Trump fears, it is Joe Biden being joined on the ticket by someone who has everything Trump doesn’t: empathy, wealth without debt, parenting skills and not in a sick/disgusting way, genuineness, real business savvy,  normal-looking hair, and an apparent lack of narcissism. WATCH OUT DONALD–here comes Jojo!

We reached out to Magnolia staff to seek comment on this story, but they won’t speak to us since our last one suggesting the Gaines were buying Baylor and Interstate 35. Stay tuned to the CONTRANYM TIMES for updates as this story develops into something more substantial.

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